Absolutely, thought I do question a statement you made in passing:
"I was reminded today of the importance of challenging the desire to remain silent. It’s easy, it’s painless."
I don't know that remaining silent is in fact painless; certainly, remaining silent minimizes physical the risk of physical intimidation and violence, but silence, to me, is the most painful course of action. Silence causes a ceaseless barrage of self-doubt, re-envisioned circumstances, internal struggle, and consequently things like depression and other psychological afflictions.
Silence prevents external conflict, definitely, but eventually the constant compartmentalisation of beliefs and internalisation of conflict will take its toll. It's a difficult goal, but your note has inspired me yet again to become more vocal in my opposition to comments and opinions voiced supposedly "in passing" that do not contain any ideological weight; I say bullshit, and I hope people continue to call me out on my slip-ups and problematic opinions, as well. At the time I will feel victimised, but the potentially repressed conflict will eventually allow my knowledge to expand.
feministgal
· 1 year ago
Derek, please keep on keepin on :) your work here is valued, sometimes it's just important to be reminded of that. Thanks for all you do. <3 g
Derek
· 1 year ago
Well, you know me, Jossy!
David, I agree completely. I felt hesitant as I wrote that, but figured this was more of a rant than anything, so I left it.
feministgal, I can always rely on you to encourage me. Thanks. But please (and I don't think this really needs to be said), keep up the great work you do, as well. Thank you so much.
monika
· 1 year ago
Just to provide my own two cents (and a little hope), I have found challenging people easier as my relationship with feminism has developed. That doesn't mean that I don't get angry and sick of it all, but that I am less invested in what others think. I also find that I am more able to walk away from assholes, recognizing it is their shit and not taking it personally.
How I challenge people has also changed over this past decade. While I have become more radical in my politics, I have become less adversarial to those who have a chance of getting it.
I find my challenging to be more inquisitive, allowing the other party to think about his/her views, e.g. "Do you think such a joke might contribute to racism?" or more gently reflective "I feel uncomfortable with what you are saying. I've always thought of you as a kind person and what you are saying seems to me to be victim-blaming.'
But with those who are adversarial (e.g. openly anti-feminist, MRAs, etc.) I don't soften what I say or give a shit what they think. I think this differentiation is important.
I am not saying that this is the right way to respond. How we all respond is up to us, and we all have different communication styles that work for us. This is what works for me.
I think the most important thing we can do, as feminists, is take care of ourselves and especially our hearts. If we burn out, we are of no good to ourselves and others. This doesn't mean that we remain silent when oppression and privilege raise its ugly heads, but rather, that we are clear with ourselves how much time and energy is realistic to invest in each "battle".
I have chosen, for example, to share with my brothers the task of educating my mother when she sends classist and racist emails. I can handle one third of them. But any more is too much. So I let them handle the others.
I think when we work together, challenging the silence that accompanies oppression and privilege can be a little bit easier.
And whenever I feel like I am alone in "fighting the good fight" I just remember the amazing activists that have come before me and who will come after me and I remember that while I may feel very alone, there are great people in this world who take much greater risks than I do in combatting oppression.
Dan
· 1 year ago
I used to believe in challenging everybody all of the time. Then I realized I didn't like the person I was becoming.
As I've gotten older I've found there's something to be said to picking my battles.
Arguing on the internet has never done anything for me but get me all riled up over the comments of a few people who's mind I will never change.
All Comments
"I was reminded today of the importance of challenging the desire to remain silent. It’s easy, it’s painless."
I don't know that remaining silent is in fact painless; certainly, remaining silent minimizes physical the risk of physical intimidation and violence, but silence, to me, is the most painful course of action. Silence causes a ceaseless barrage of self-doubt, re-envisioned circumstances, internal struggle, and consequently things like depression and other psychological afflictions.
Silence prevents external conflict, definitely, but eventually the constant compartmentalisation of beliefs and internalisation of conflict will take its toll. It's a difficult goal, but your note has inspired me yet again to become more vocal in my opposition to comments and opinions voiced supposedly "in passing" that do not contain any ideological weight; I say bullshit, and I hope people continue to call me out on my slip-ups and problematic opinions, as well. At the time I will feel victimised, but the potentially repressed conflict will eventually allow my knowledge to expand.
<3 g
David, I agree completely. I felt hesitant as I wrote that, but figured this was more of a rant than anything, so I left it.
feministgal, I can always rely on you to encourage me. Thanks. But please (and I don't think this really needs to be said), keep up the great work you do, as well. Thank you so much.
How I challenge people has also changed over this past decade. While I have become more radical in my politics, I have become less adversarial to those who have a chance of getting it.
I find my challenging to be more inquisitive, allowing the other party to think about his/her views, e.g. "Do you think such a joke might contribute to racism?" or more gently reflective "I feel uncomfortable with what you are saying. I've always thought of you as a kind person and what you are saying seems to me to be victim-blaming.'
But with those who are adversarial (e.g. openly anti-feminist, MRAs, etc.) I don't soften what I say or give a shit what they think. I think this differentiation is important.
I am not saying that this is the right way to respond. How we all respond is up to us, and we all have different communication styles that work for us. This is what works for me.
I think the most important thing we can do, as feminists, is take care of ourselves and especially our hearts. If we burn out, we are of no good to ourselves and others. This doesn't mean that we remain silent when oppression and privilege raise its ugly heads, but rather, that we are clear with ourselves how much time and energy is realistic to invest in each "battle".
I have chosen, for example, to share with my brothers the task of educating my mother when she sends classist and racist emails. I can handle one third of them. But any more is too much. So I let them handle the others.
I think when we work together, challenging the silence that accompanies oppression and privilege can be a little bit easier.
And whenever I feel like I am alone in "fighting the good fight" I just remember the amazing activists that have come before me and who will come after me and I remember that while I may feel very alone, there are great people in this world who take much greater risks than I do in combatting oppression.
As I've gotten older I've found there's something to be said to picking my battles.
Arguing on the internet has never done anything for me but get me all riled up over the comments of a few people who's mind I will never change.